HEADS OR TAILS? Life is just a crapshoot really…

Being the control freak that I am, finding myself in a situation that I can’t control is completely unnerving and try as I might to ensure that my life runs relatively smoothly, I must finally concede that

life is a crapshoot really and control is just an illusion.

Even though we strive in our own little way to take precautions and busy ourselves doing this and doing that to ensure all will be well, things can still go horribly wrong.

is it heads?…

…or tails?

Confession –  I really am pathetically pedantic, there once was a time, when in an effort to maintain some semblance of control in my refrigerator, that I labelled all of the shelves; dairy, cold meat, wine, condiments and so on.  True story. Really.

I hang the shirts in my wardrobe together according to their colour

all the blue shirts, green shirts, white shirts and pink shirts jostle together fighting for hanging space.  Most of the drawers and cupboards in my house are organised and tidy.  My son Remo likes to say that the reason I like things neat and tidy is because “untidiness offends your eyeballs Mom.”  That’s not really true,

I just can’t relax or think properly if things are higgledy-piggledy

and I think it has less to do with my “eyeballs being offended” and more to do with me needing to have control over my environment.  How deluded I’ve been, the awful truth is that

one day things can be wonderful, happy and amazing and then BAM!

they can change, in what feels like an inordinately short amount of time.  Picture this – it’s Halloween (yay) and your birthday (double yay), your husband has just returned from a two month visit to Australia bearing lots of birthday gifts and it’s great to have a body to cuddle next to in bed once again (uncountable yays).  You spend a long lazy morning over cappuccinos and breakfast, the sun is shining and glistening off the ocean at the Knysna Waterfront where you both enjoy a delicious seafood lunch followed by more lovely surprises and pressies and later you take a leisurely picturesque drive back to your delightful little cottage to relax for the evening over a bottle of chilled white wine.

What follows in the next couple of days is almost unbelievable,

the man who laughed and drank wine with you across the table on your birthday has now developed the most alarming swelling in his hands and is rendered almost bedridden by excruciating pain in his arms, hands and shoulders.  Diagnosis after x-rays?

Osteoarthritis and spondylosis of the cervical vertebrae

and if that wasn’t enough, the results from a routine PSA test prompted a biopsy the same day, which came back as

positive for Prostate Cancer.

How the hell does that happen?  How? How, when you have moderate exercise, you take all the necessary daily supplements, your eat fresh healthy food 90% of the time and your only vice is wine in the evenings?

How does it happen? It happens because life is unpredictable and messy

and the sooner we get over trying to control everything and make it go exactly  the way we want it to, the more content and relaxed we will be.  That doesn’t mean throw caution to the wind and live recklessly, if Mr T had not insisted on having regular PSA tests, had not been taking supplements, eating healthily and doing exercise, the prognosis for both diseases would have been far worse than they are.  We are still in the trial and error stages of managing the osteo-arthritis and while he is not back to normal, he is at least comfortable for now. As for the prostate cancer, the treatment for that will hopefully take place in the next few weeks and has a predicted 80 – 90% cure rate.

My conclusion?

I still think we should live each moment as fully as we can, take whatever precautions possible for a long and happy life, understand the importance of being open and flexible and realise that no matter what you do

life has no guarantees.

All my love

moi ♥